Stuck in FMA
by Bri Nara
Summary: What happens when a fangirl is made a homunculus and sent to the FMA world? Manga-based.
1. What's in a name

**Human Homunculus Production**

_Second attempt to put myself in FMA (Though the computer is making type the same thing 6 times). And this is based off the **manga** because for some reason the anime after reading the manga made me go "HUH?! O.o" Time for the disclaimer._

_Alphonse: Bri only owns Mischief. She does not own Fullmetal Alchemist. If she did Hughes would still live, Ed would be shorter by an inch, Envy would have... AN ABSOLUTELY SMOKING HOT TRUE FORM?! WHO WROTE THIS SCRIPT ANYWAY?!_

_Al, be grateful I didn't turn you to scrap metal yet. -.-_

_Alphonse: O.O How am I on your favorite character list again?!_

_

* * *

_I was minding my own business, reading the 13th volume of FMA, for the 7th time. It was 2am and yet I still wanted to finish it. I stared at Envy's smile, you know, the creepy smile when he revealed the truth about Ishbal.

"I now claim this the second most sadistic smile I have ever seen."

I rolled over on the bed and started thinking right before I passed out. Why is it we can never meet our favorite characters? And why is it that they have to be fiction?! I want to meet Edward, and Al, and Envy-kun!!!

And then I passed out. But the second I closed my eyes, everything turned white instead of black. I turned around to see a giant stone double door behind me.

_"Do you like it, girl?"_

It was a person, or at least the outline of a person. There was an outline of a grin where the face should be. I was dead on my feet and having an internal spaz attack. _OH MY GOD!!! IT'S THE TRUTH!!! SO THAT MUST MEAN I'M ROYALLY SCREWED!!! O_O_

_"What's that look for? You wanted to be here, right?"_

"Well, yeah. But I didn't want to meet **_you _**first!"

_"And why not, girl?"_

"Every time **_you _**show up someone walks away bleeding!"

_"Don't worry, girl. I've just received your payment."_

My eyes widened as I looked down at myself. Seems I still had my limbs. I raised two fingers in my face. And eyesight. I looked at the truth. And my guts. I was about to think that Truth didn't steal anything until I noticed his outline was bolder than before.

_"Your payment is most of your humanity. You can still use alchemy, but you are also a homunculus now, so you are vulnerable to it. And also, most of your existence in the other world will be gone as well."_

I thought about it for a second. Strangely, being immortal struck me as being downright suckish. People can beat you up whenever the heck they feel like it and you can't escape it. You'll have to watch everyone around you get old over the decades. The military will try to kick my butt. And if Edward and Alphonse ever find out, they'll try to rip out my philosopher's stone_._

But then again, I'M THE ONLY HOMUNCULUS WITH ALCHEMY!!! AND I GET A SUPERPOWER! AND I GET TO HANG OUT WITH EVERYONE! AND I CAN FINALLY SLAP YOKI! WOOHOO!!!

Then the shadow hands came out and grabbed me. I forgot what I was thinking five seconds ago and started screaming. _OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! I'M GONNA DIE! I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M GONNA DIE IN A MANGA BOOK ABOUT FREAKING **SCIENCE**!!! T_T_

**...Much later and somewhere in Central...**

"So what should we do with her?" one voice said.

"Let's kill her before she wakes up," said a feminine voice.

"Now, now, we shouldn't kill her _yet_." said an older voice.

"Can I eat her?" said another one.

"No." everyone else said.

I opened my eyes to a very dark place that was mostly concrete and cables on the floor. But my eyes rested on the four people staring at me. I gave them an equally dead-panned look and said the only thing I could say. "Ho...Ly...Crap."

One of them was a woman with wavy black hair. She had long black gloves and a black dress. She had a body that obviously said to men "Sleep with me! Sleep with me!" (I know some of us were thinking it, I just said it! -.-) She had an Ouroboros tattoo in the middle of her chest. And she had this creepy smile that looked like she would kill me if I talked.

The guy next to her was fat. I mean _really _fat. He looked like he could eat a Vegas all-you-can-eat buffet twice without getting full. He stared at me hungrily and put a finger to his mouth childishly.

Another guy was an old man with an eye patch and a mustache. He smiled, but it seemed so... I don't know... _fake_.

Then there was the youngest looking one. He couldn't have been any older than his late teens. He had spiky long palm-tree hair. He was well-muscled and his short shirt that stopped mid-chest was doing a fine job of showing that off. He was also wearing a skort (that's what they're called, right? -_-") that stopped mid-thigh. He had an Ouroboros tattoo on his left thigh.

I instantly knew who they were. And I was in their lair. With Envy... _SWEET!!!_

"Well, it looks like she's awake," Lust said. "Now how did you get here, little rat?"

"Who the hell are you calling a rat, Lust?" I mumbled back to her.

Everyone's eyes widened, except for Gluttony, who still wanted to eat me. Then Wrath/Bradley stepped up and asked "How do you know who we are?"

"I'm one of you." They raised their eyebrows. "Seriously! Um... my mark is..." My words faded as I looked at the back of my right hand. There was an Ouroboros there. "Right here..."

Envy smiled and shrugged. "So you're one of us. Do you have a name?"

For some reason, I didn't say the name people usually call me by. Instead I said

"Mischief."

**End of the first chappie.**

**Let's hope this story can keep going.**

**Review!  
**


	2. Foolproof way to hang with the Elrics

"Mischief, huh?" Envy grinned. "I like that name." Insert me having an internal spaz attack. "So, what's your part of the plan?"

Plan. How the hell am I supposed to fit into their plan?! OH!

"Um, I'm supposed to accompany the Elric Brothers!"

Lust raised an eyebrow. "Accompany them? And what are you going to do other than get in the way?" You know how sometimes the moment two girls meet they hate each other, this is one of those moments!

"You need them alive, don't you? I know how incredibly reckless they can be. I'll make sure they don't die. Where are they now?"

"They just finished their little _visit _to Leore." (AN: The keep changing the spelling every time it's translated, so I'm typing by how they sound)

"Then I need a ride to East City. And a state alchemist license, _Bradley._ Of course the Fullmetal Squirt wouldn't travel with someone who isn't."

**Much later in East City HQ...**

"You owe me for this, right Colonel?" Edward said with a grin.

We were in Colonel Mustang's office. I was leaning against one of the bookshelves, waiting for Mustang to introduce me already.

It was Alphonse who noticed me first. "Um, Colonel? Who's that in the corner?"

That was my cue to hold out my hand and smile. "Mischief. A state-alchemist just like Eddie and Colonel Car over here."

Edward looked mad. "Eddie?!"

Mustang's eye twitched. "Colonel...C-Car?"

Al looked shocked (as shocked as armor could look) but shook my hand anyways. "A-Alphonse Elric."

"You guys need a bio-alchemist, right? How 'bout Shou Tucker?"

Tucker. Replace the T for an F and there's my nickname for him. But, I wanted an excuse to beat the crap out of him or maybe stop him from changing Nina. I cried at that part. I had to skip volume one when I started the series so that was the first thing I read. Don't worry, I know what happened volume one.

"The Sewing-Life Alchemist? I'll see what I can do."

Edward glared. "You're not coming with us are you?"

I grinned and said "Why of course I am."

"And why would we take you with us?"

I crossed my arms and grinned wider. "I know how you got that arm." One way ticket to hanging with Ed. Blackmail.

**Sorry it's late. ^^" Had a small case of writer's block as to when the plotline is.**

**Al: You just wanted an excuse to beat up Tucker. -_-**

**Yup!**

**Al: Review.  
**


	3. No Tuckers in MY fanfic!

_Hi peoples! I got this up early! ^^_

_Tucker: Apparently her only motivation is the people who keep begging her to kill me. And, I am not a f___er. =_=_

_Yes you are. -.-_

_Tucker: No I'm not._

_According to the reviewers you are. ^^_

_Tucker: Bri doesn't own Fullmetal Alchemist. She owns only Mischief and whatever sick twisted thoughts are in her head._

_You're one to talk. =_=_

_

* * *

_We finally made it to Tucker's house in the car. Nice house, nice garden, cruel person; it's in this season.

The moment Mustang rung the doorbell, a shadow came overhead. Me and Ed look up.

"Holy crap, flying dog!!!" Then, _squish. _Somehow... he manged to knock me over and squish Edward. I chuckled right before the door opened.

"Alexander! Stop!" said a man's voice. I glared at Shou Tucker. But my look softened a bit when I noticed Nina.

She looked around 4 or 5, the same age as the little brother I had back home. She had her long brown hair tied in braids and cheerful eyes. I made a resolve in my head. _Screw the plot, I'm saving her!!!_

"Look at all the guests, Daddy!" My god, she sounded so CUTE!!! XD

Then we went inside. While the guys were have their little share-our-top-secrets-to-a-f___er fest, I decided to meet Nina. I squatted down to her eye level and smiled.

"Hi, what's your name?" I asked in a friendly big sister voice.

"I'm Nina," she answered.

"That's a pretty name."

"What's _your _name?" she asked, tilting her head to the said.

"My name is Mischief."

"Miss...chief?"

"Or, if you want, you _can _call me Missy."

"Ok, Missy!" So... much... cuteness!

"Um... can we go to the file room, Nina? There's a playmate waiting for you." And so we went to the file room and I left Al to play with Nina. I had to let him do it, I didn't know how to play with little girls. So long as I was here, I might as well have a better look around.

So, I went to the lab. There was a chimera of a monkey and a bear (Scary...O_O); a mix of a butterfly and a fish (Pretty colors...); and a mix of... (Ew.) well that's enough for today.

So I went back to the file room. The clock struck 5, and Ed finally got his nose out of the book he was reading.

"What were you reading for so long?!" I looked at the title. _Bio-alchemy for dummies._

"We better find Al," Edward said.

Then we started looking for Al, but I had a feeling I forgot something.

_"WOOF!"_

"HOLY CRAP ANOTHER FLYING DOG!!!"_ Squish. _Ed and I got pwned again.

"Hi big brother. Hi Mischief."

"Don't 'Hi big brother' me! What were you doing?!" Edward snapped from beneath Alexander.

"Uh, Nina looked like she wanted to play," replied.

"Shame, Al. You should be studying," I said in a playful scolding voice.

Alexander licked Edward. "Alexander says he wants to play with you too, big brother!" Nina said cheerfully.

Edward finally managed to get up. "You got some nerve wanting to play with me. They say lions use all their energy when they hunt rabbits." Then Alexander ran away and Ed chased him. **"I, Edward Elric, am going after you with everything I got, you stupid dog!!!"**

Nina laughed. Al thought, _What a kid. _I sweatdropped.

**The next day...**

We were in the file room again, Al and I were slacking off while Ed overworked his eyes.

"Your mother left 2 years ago?" Al asked.

"Uh-huh." Nina answered. "Daddy said she went back to her family." That jerk, lying to a little kid.

"Don't you get lonely?"

"Not really, I have Daddy and Alexander!" Cue the adorable hug with the dog. "But he's been working a lot lately, so it does get kinda lonely sometimes."

Then Ed started complaining about his stiff shoulders. I said I'd stay while they play outside.

Tucker was in his office, crumpling one paper after another. He put his hands to his head mentally asking _What am I going to do?!_

"Don't even think about it, Tucker." Tucker looked up and saw me glaring at him. "I'm not gonna let you do that to Nina."

"What are you talking about?" he seemed mildly surprised. And slightly annoyed. Nope, really annoyed.

"If you want a chimera that talks, take the vocal cords of a parrot or something. But _don't _you dare use Nina, you b____." And with that, I left.

**That night...**

"Remind me, _why _are we at Mr. Tucker's house," Havoc asked.

"'Cause this is a rescue mission!!" I hissed back.

"And _why _am I here?"

"'Cause ladies will love you when you say you saved a little girl, Jean." Havoc can never keep a girlfriend, I always wondered why. He was pretty handsome for his age, he's not a a__hole, and he's still breathing. Make him about nine years younger and _then _I'd date him. "Wait here." And I climbed through the window.

"DIE SHOU F___ER DIE!!!" Havoc's eyes widened as a million very violent sound effects came from inside the house.

**CRASH. BOOM. ZAP. POW. BAM. ZAP. WHAM. RAWR!!! _RIIIP!_** "OWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!"

Havoc looked at me with wide eyed shock as I jumped out the window, tossed him an unconscious yet human Nina and shouted "RUN, MAN, RUN!!!"

"JUST WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO IN THERE?!?!"

"Tucker lost his pride, NOW RUN!!!" (You can take that however you imagine. Just remember the sound effects above.)

**The next morning...**

"What? Tucker got injured?"

"Yeah, sorry. Guess you can't study there, Ed. And until he recovers, Nina is gonna stay with someone in Central." I DID IT!!! I SAVED NINA!!! WOOHOO!!!! XD

**That evening... (Time flies when you kill a jerk)**

The Ishbalan killed the guards and approached the house. He walked down the hall and reached the grand double doors. When he opened the doors he saw... actually, he had no idea what the hell he was seeing.

What he saw was a dark-haired adolescent girl wearing a black jacket and a red bandanna holding up Tucker with one hand and repeatedly rapid-punching the Sewing-Life Alchemist in the face. Pow-pow-pow-pow-pow-pow-pow-pow-pow-pow-pow-pow.

I looked up and smiled. "Oh, hi Scar." Pow. I gave Tucker one final punch and dropped him. "Your turn. ^^"

**Tucker: O_o So much abuse. By the way, what did my chimera rip off?**

**(Whispers it in his ear) X3**

**Tucker: O_O"**

**Oh, I can't think of a good state alchemist name, could some reviewers think of one for me? ^^**

**Tucker: The Sadistic Alchemist? O_O**

**I didn't ask you, Tucker. -.-**

**Review! ^^  
**


	4. OMG, Scarface!

_My motivation this time was-_

_Xavier-5422: PUT ME IN THE FIC ALREADY!!!_

_FINE!! -_- I don't own FMA, I only own Mischief, and partially own Xavier's OC._

_

* * *

_After I explained to them what would've happened if Nina stayed with Tucker, they looked at me with blank stares.

"How do you know what would've happened?" Al asked.

"He made a talking chimera the same time his wife left. Do. The. Math."

Edward's eyes widened as he realized my point. He must've mentally face-palmed not to realized sooner.

"And according to everyone at HQ, Tucker died this morning."

"WHAT?!"

...Later, after I convinced (forced) them to have a walk in the rain...

"Why are we out here again?" Edward asked dully.

I was twirling around, letting the raindrops fall. "Cuz rain feeels _nice!_" We were in front of the clock tower, I was spinning around in the rain while Ed and Al sat under the clock tower.

A random soldier noticed Edward and started running towards us. "Mr. Edward! Miss. Mischief! Mr. Edward Elric! I've been looking all over for you!"

"What is it?" I asked.

"You two are to go back to HQ, at once."

"Why?" Edward asked. Then Scar appeared behind the soldier.

"There's a serial killer in this area." DUDE, TURN AROUND! THIS IS NOT SOME CRAPPY HORROR MOVIE! NOW TURN AROUND AND RUN!!

"Edward Elric..." Scar said. "THE FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST!!!"

"The man with the scar on his...!" the soldier exclaimed as he tried to take his gun out.

"SHUT UP AND RUN!!!"

Scar grabbed the soldier's head and suddenly the guy's brain got fried.

"Holy crap... Holy crap... Holy crap..." I whimpered as I looked at the random dead soldier at our feet. "This is bad for you guys... This is SO bad for you guys..." Then the clock tower struck 9. "GUYS! RUN!!" They actually listened for once.

"I won't let you get away!" Scar roared as the Elrics ran for an alley.

"NO!" I ran after them too.

Scar destroyed whatever obstacle lied in his way.

"What the hell are you and why are you after us?!" Edward asked.

"If there are creators, then there are also destroyers."

"In that case..." Edward transmuted a gaudy looking sword and Al got into fighting stance.

"You've got guts." Scar charged towards them. "But you're too slow!"

Suddenly pieces of metal were finally everywhere as Al's armor got deconstructed.

"ALPHONSE!!!" I cried.

Edward got pissed and charged at Scar. "YOU SON OF A B___!!"

Scar grabbed Ed's metal arm. "I said you're too slow."

ZAP.

...

...

Nothing happened.

Edward took off his coat and gloves.

I had to save Edward! I ran towards the fight at top speed, sadly, I'm a slow runner and showed up in time to see Edward's arm break.

I froze. What should I do? What should I do? What should I do? Scar reached for Edward's head.

BLAM. Mustang arrived with about 20 or so other soldiers. "That's I far as you go."

While the others were talking, I was in my own little world. So far in this fight I was useless, until I heard the gunshot. It reminded me of a very important detail. I'm a homunculus. I'm immortal. And I can do whatever the hell I want.

I came back into reality when everyone started calling Mustang useless. Haha, I always loved that moment. Mustang's useless in the rain.

"State alchemists," Scar said, "who are the obstacles to my mission. I will annihilate everyone here."

"I dare you to!" I jumped onto a street light and grinned. I dramatically pointed towards him. "Cuz here's the almighty and bad-ass, Joker Alchemist!!!"

Scar's eyes widened behind his sunglasses. "Another state alchemist? A little girl, no less."

The military on the sidelines sweatdropped. "The Joker Alchemist? What kind of a crappy name is that?" most of the men commented.

"LIKE YOU'RE ONES TO TALK!" I snapped back at them. "YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE NAMES, RANDOM SOLDIERS ONE THROUGH TWENTY!!"

"But my name's Phillip," one of the soldiers said stupidly.

Face-palm. I stood there one the ten foot street light and face-palmed. It was one of those "How the hell are they older than me?!" moments.

Then a random boy broke from the crowd with messy black hair, glasses, a blue coat, and gloves with transmutation circles on each of the palms. He looked excited, like he's been waiting for this moment. He definitely was NOT in the military.

"And I-!!!"

"Alex Louis Armstrong!!" The random boy got knocked over to the ground as his spot got taken over by the mountain-muscled Major.

"Damn it, Armstrong!!!" The random boy on the floor yelled. "This my only epic moment in this fanfic! Out of the way!!" (I'm kidding. ^^" You get more than one moment, Xavier.) Then he tried to maim the Major. Which resulted in them trying to beat the crap out of each other.

Everyone, even Scar, sweatdropped. Which was my cue to transmute a knife, jump off the street light, and randomly scream something cool. "Come on, Scarface! Come on and fight me!!!" Ok... cool isn't the right word. Random. How 'bout random?

Everyone watched as I, a 14 year-old with almost no real fighting skills other than slashing, was fighting Scar without being hit once. Plus the fact that I was the fourth shortest person (Shortest: Ed, 2nd Shortest: Fuery, 3rd shortest: random dude #9) there, and, no doubt, the person who'd always lose at arm-wrestling.

"How the hell is she fighting like that?" Breda asked as I avoided another of Scar's attacks.

"Trust me, she's scary when she's motivated," Havoc said. "Remember how Tucker was injured in the-"

"Yeah." every man said with a flinch.

"_She _caused that."

Almost every man, including Mustang, put their hands in front of them and whimpered "Please don't hurt me..." Hawkeye sweatdropped, but was somewhat impressed that I managed to scare Mustang without doing anything yet.

For me, fighting Scar felt like... a roller coaster, a video game, and a spaz attack all rolled into one with sound effects!!! It's no freakin' wonder so many anime characters love fighting!! I landed a punch in Scar's stomach with my gloved right hand.

I smiled evilly. I knife was about an inch away from Scar's face. "C'mon, why so serious, Scarface? Why so serious?" (Hooray for movie references! XD lol)

Then random soldier #11 got nervous and accidentally fired his gun. The bullet would've hit my right hand except this weird thing happened. The bullet bounced off me, like a bouncy ball off a wall. Scar didn't notice, then a bullet flew out of nowhere and grazed his head, thus ruining his awesome sunglasses.

"He's an Ishbalan!" Mustang shouted.

Scar looked around, then back at me. "Too many alchemists here. Good bye, Joker Alchemist." He made his subtle get away by making a huge hole in the ground and running like there was no tomorrow.

I glared into the hole. "Mischief, don't go after him," Mustang ordered.

"Damn it, I was just about to jump in there."

Then Ed and Al started fighting. The soldiers just looked.

"Should we stop them?"

"'Tis a brothers' quarrel, leave them be." I said sarcastically.

**Here it is! ^^" Sorry for the crappy chapter.**

**I picked the Joker Alchemist, it suits me more. Besides, it gave me a few ideas.**

**Sorry to the other peoples that gave me names. T_T**

**Xavier-5422: WAS THAT THE ONLY MOMENT YOU GAVE ME?! T_T**

**NO! You get more... later!  
**

**Review!!**


	5. On the road!

_Can we skip this part of the fic? -.-_

_Everyone: NO. -.-_

_Fine, I don't own FMA. I only own myself._

_

* * *

_We were all sitting in Mustang's office. "We" being the Elrics, myself, Mustang's Gang, and the Major. I sat by the window, Ed and Al were sitting on the floor with their pride (along with their bodies) in pieces. We officially decided we were gonna see Winry, but there was one issue left...

"A BODYGUARD?!?!" Edward asked.

"WHAT THE HELL, COLONEL?! THEY GOT ME!" I shouted.

I swear I saw an anime angry mark on his head. "As I recall, you let Edward's arm get broken."

"Says the one who didn't do crap, useless." I replied. Then we had a glaring contest. Then Hawkeye stepped in and broke us up. We'll call it a draw. For now.

"Why do we need a bodyguard?"

"Because without your arm, you're just a-"

"Angry cripple?" said Falman.

"Whiny brat?" Breda said.

"Foul-mouthed midget?" Havoc said.

"Grouchy little crippled potty-mouthed munchkin!" I cheered.

"I AM NOT!!!" Ed roared.

"So who's going to do it?" Al asked.

"I have tons of work to do, so I have to go back to Central soon." Hughes explained.

"Liar!" I accused.

"I can't leave HQ." said Mustang.

"Then what about this morning, huh?!"

"It's very hectic to watch over the Colonel." Hawkeye stated.

"...I'll allow that to slide since it's very very true."

"I have 0 confidence in protecting when it's this dangerous." Havoc admitted.

"JEAN!!!"

"Yeah, what he said." everyone else agreed.

"What kind of men are you?!"

"I'll do it." said a random voice outside the window.

"What?" A face suddenly appeared behind the window. "AAH!" BAM. Face, meet floor. Floor, meet face. Now that that's settled, WHO IS THIS RANDOM PERSON AT THE WINDOW?!

It was a girl with long black hair with a side bang that covered one of her dark green eyes. She smirked at me landing face-first on the very mean floor.

"What do you want, Alura?" Mustang sighed.

"Can't I be their body guard since everyone else is busy?" she asked.

"No. As I recall, you have business to do in the west and this is the EAST HQ."

"Aww." Then she disappeared from the window again.

I was just about to ask "WTF?" when we all remembered about a certain crying sparkly mustached mountain.

He glomped Edward and shouted "I've heard all about you, Edward Elric!"

"Major! Don't kill Eddie!" I attempted to pull Armstrong off the half-dead Elric.

"And how could I forget about the brave girl who stood up against Scar!"

"OH S-!!!" Glomped by Major Alex Louis Armstrong. There's only one way to describe it. IT HURTS LIKE HELL.

"Major Armstong... It doesn't look like she can breath," Havoc pointed out.

"THAT'S CUZ I CAN'T!!!" Then the Major let go and I remembered how to breath. THAT GUY WOULD MAKE A CRAPPY PILLOW!

"I've come here to be your escort."

"NOOO!!!" I screamed as everyone gave me a WTF stare. "Um... I mean... OK."

"Why does it have to be him?!" Edward roared.

They repeated their reasons. I repeated my commentary.

"Then it's decided." Armstrong announced as he put a hand on me and Edward's heads. There were pink sparkles everywhere.

"You can't decide things for me!" Edward protested.

"Children should listen to what adults say."

"Don't treat me like a child!!" Edward yelled. "Al, Mischief, say something!"

"Oh, Ed! This is the first time I've been treated like a kid since I became armor!" Al was having his moment.

"Mischief..."

I was also having a moment. "This is the first time I've been treated like a kid since I turned 11! ^_^" (I'm almost 15 now so... more or less the same time-frame as Alphonse.)

"It's hopeless..."

**One train ride and packing of a suit of armor later...**

I was asleep for most of the trip, when I woke up, I was in Resembol with the Elrics and Major Sparkles nowhere in sight.

"They. Are. So. Dead." They let me sleep my way all the way to Resembol while they get to see Marcoh's philosopher's stone. Not that I was particularly fond of him, but still!

The second Edward stepped off the next train, I tried to strangle him. "EDWARD ELRIC, HOW DARE YOU DITCH ME ON A TRAIN ALONE!!!"

"AAH!!!"

Armstrong pulled me off of Ed. "Now a young lady of your caliber shouldn't attack a cripple." He said this with several sparkles around his head. Seriously, where did those come from? O_o

"DON'T CALL ME A CRIPPLE!!"

"But you are." Me and the Major pointed out bluntly.

As Edward led the way to Granny Pinako's house, I couldn't help but look at the scenery. It looked like those old time paintings of the countryside. Plus, the fact that you don't see this kinda of stuff in New York. Orlando. West Palm Beach. Atlanta. I wasn't used to the country, barely five minutes and I ask, "WHERE IS EVERYTHING?!"

"This is everything."

"Are you kidding me?! There's no buildings! No roads! No cars! No muffins!"

"What?"

"Never mind..."

**The chappie's done. ^_^ Next you get to see how well I get along with Winry.**

**Edward: Did you make this chapter JUST to annoy me? =_=**

**YUP! ^_^ And no. It was to compensate for me not meeting Marco. (Homunculi can't see him without a death-threat)  
**

**Review!  
**


	6. Time with the Rockbells

_Now for teh Winry chappie!!_

_Elrics: We're nervous._

_Why?_

_Edward: Knowing you, you might tear down her house._

_I wouldn't do that. ^^ (Halo)_

_Alphonse: Bri does not own FMA. She owns Mischief and whatever random thing that comes into her head._

_

* * *

_We arrived at the Rockbell house in 15 minutes. It was a nice country house, very nice.

I noticed Granny Pinako at the front of the house. MY GOD, SHE MADE ED LOOK TALL! HAHA!!

"We need your help again, Granny Pinako," Ed announced as we walked up to the house.

The dog, Den wasn't it?, started growling at me. Typical, even in a different world the dogs hate me. Go figure.

"Who is this, Edward?" Pinako said, gesturing to me and the sparkling Major.

"This is Major Armstrong. That's Mischief."

"Hi Pinako." I said with a peace sign.

"Is it just me, or did the time when Edward was gone, Ed got smaller?" Edward's jaw dropped. You had to admit it was funny.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SMALL, PINT-SIZED HAG?!"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING HAG, BEAN-SPROUT MIDGET?!"

"MICRO-GRANNY!"

"ANT-SIZED SQUIRT!"

"Cool! A Chibi-people fight!" I took out the camera.

"SHUT UP, YOU SUGAR HIGH FREAK!!!" both of them yelled.

My eye twitched for a second before shoving the camera into Armstrong's empty hands. "Hold this for me." I walked over to them and took a deep breath. _"WHO ARE YOU CALLING FREAK, YOU PEA-SIZED MUNCHKINS?" _And so, it became a 3-way shouting contest between me, Pinako, and Ed.

"Hey Ed!" a random voice from the house said.

BLAM! A random wrench came out of nowhere and nailed Ed on the head. I was laughing for about 2 seconds before said wrench bounced off Edward's head nailed me. Then it mega-bounced off me and hit Alphonse.

"OW! THAT WAS MAH EYE! I NEEDS THAT!" I yelled in Chibi form at the girl upstairs. She ignored me and scolded Edward.

"YEAH, WINRY! ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME?!" yelled Edward, who now had a big bump on his head.

Then she laughed and said "Welcome home!"

After we got inside and took his coat, he gave Winry a heart attack. Her precious automail gone, and I was laughing about it.

"Long story short, Ed broke his arm into itty-bitty pieces. Don't worry, I kicked the guy that broke it for you." I said calmly.

"And... who are you?" Winry asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Their babysitter." I said with a grin.

Pinako finished checking Ed. "We're going to have to readjust your leg too."

Winry smiled evilly at Edward. "Looks like you got taller. Last time we measured you, you were at-"

"NO!" Edward shouted before I could hear the blackmail material. Darn, I always wondered how tall he was. Darn you Edward, for censoring it.

"So..." I said. "You gotta rebuild the arm, right? That's about a week, right?"

Pinako grinned. "Silly girl, it'll only take 3 days."

"Well, then Winry could kiss her beauty sleep goodbye."

"What'd you say?!" Winry yelled.

"Oh nothing..."

**Night 1...**

I was having a party with characters from all my favorite animes (mostly shounen animes). Yeah, Naruto was swinging Tarzan-style on one of the banners, Soul Eater was sugar-high off pixie sticks, Reborn was doing karaoke, and Envy was kicking Ichigo's a__ in DDR. Loud music, awesome characters, best dream ever. Until...

KLANK!!! KLANK!!! KLANK!!!

"AAH!" I sat up in my bed (the couch) and looked around. The clock said 3 am. Winry was working on the automail in another room, upstairs. DOES SHE HAVE TO BE SO DAMN LOUD?!?!

I walked upstairs, and glared daggers into her back. The imaginary daggers must've been pointy because she turned around with a scared look on her face.

"Mischief sleepy as hell. Mischief mad. Mischief kill. Let Mischief sleep or suffer the wrath of a ticked off hyper person." Then I turned around and went back to my couch.

**Night 2...**

For some reason I was underground, wearing an explorer's outfit, and running away from a gigantic ball of rock. In my hand was a solid gold... ticket. To Anime-con. That was autographed by 3 manga artists. I'd say that's a pretty awesome treasure that pwns regular awesome gold treasure! That was until a wrench flew out of nowhere and nailed me on the head. Causing me to fall, and the ball to squish me, leaving me paper-flat.

KLANK!!! KLANK!!! KLANK!!!

"RAWR!!! I KEEL YOU ALL!!!" I transmuted a mallet out of the wood in the floor and went upstairs. I hit Winry in the head roaring "LET ME SLEEP, GODDAMMIT!!!!" Then left.

**Breakfast...**

"Wow, Mischief, you look terrible." Edward commented before he ate a forkful of scrambled eggs. "But not half as bad as Winry."

Winry and I both had:

-bags under our eyes

-messed up hair

-a pissed off look on our faces.

Only real difference was that I had a semi-tied up bandanna while Winry had a huge bump on her head.

"I'm going for a walk..." I won't stand for Elric making fun of making fun of me when I'm about to have a psychological breakdown. I like saying it like that 'cause then it'll sound like my sanity was break-dancing. BACK TO THE TOPIC/PLOT/RANDOMNESS!

I was about to make it at least... a yard away from the front door when I noticed something black hiding behind the corner.

"Eep!" The black thing hid behind the corner. I went over to the wall to see the random dude from the Scar fight who tried to beat up the Major.

"You! Stalker!" That's what you're supposed to scream when you see someone who followed you all the Resembol!

"No! I was just... um... I IS NOT A STALKER!!! YOU ARE!" he said frantically, dramatically pointing at me.

"Is that a 'Made in China' tab on your Ed-coat?" I said as I just now noticed it. "YOU'RE FROM MY WORLD AREN'T YOU?! YOU'RE HERE TO TAKE ME BACK! YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE, COPPER!!!" I yelled as I chibi-ran back inside.

**Night... Again...**

I have had many weird dreams before, but this one is in my top 20. Edward was on a unicycle juggling Roy Mustang bobble-heads while Al was pouring himself some tea into a floating upside-down cup. I was about to ask WTF until a thunder cloud rolling in and lightning crackled. It started raining. Wrenches. And I got hit 3 times before I woke up.

KLANK!!! KLANK!!! KLANK!!!

I didn't say anything. I just grabbed some plastic and automail scraps that were on the table and marched upstairs. Then Edward woke up to the sound of screaming, maniacal laughing, Al screaming "Don't kill Winry!!!", and a chainsaw.

**Afternoon...**

"Ready? We'll start." Pinako said as she grabbed Edward's automail leg.

"One." Winry said as she grabbed the arm.

"Two."

"THREE!" CLANG. Edward's face said one thing only: OWWWW...

"I always hate the moment when the nerves connect..." Edward sighed.

"Oh, suck it up, shrimp." I said coldly. I was still sleepy. And I was mad at Ed because he threw Alphonse's head at me to knock me out. I now have a bump on my head the same size as Winry's.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING PINT-SIZED SHRIMP?!" He flailed his arms and legs as he yelled at me.

"Seems to be working." Winry said.

"All this pain will be over once I get my arm and leg back." Edward sighed again as he moved his leg.

"Why get them back?! Automail is cool!" Winry said. After that all I heard was 'Blah blah blah oil. Blah blah blah muscles. Blah blah blah humming. Blah blah blah automail.'

"Automail otaku." Edward said as he glared.

"Shut up, alchemy otaku." Winry said returning the glare.

"Can't we all just relax?" I said.

"Like you're one to talk, weapon otaku." both of them said. I didn't say I was, though I didn't deny it either. Kukuku...

Then Edward ran outside while Winry was saying something like 'Blah blah maintenance. Blah blah chrome. Blah blah don't break mah automail.' Then I remembered something very important.

"Uh... Winry? Aren't you forgetting something?"

"No."

"You sure didn't forget a screw or something?"

"Nope." Well, at least I tried...

**There you go. ^^**

**Winry fans, don't flame me! T_T Please!**

**Xavier: O_O WTH? Why I depicted as a stalker fanboy?**

**^^" Uh, about that- (Runs)**

**Review!!! XD  
**


	7. Bookworm

_Sorry I'm late, but since school is ended, I can finally update this. ^^_

_I don't own anyone except for Mischief and some random parts not found in the manga, no matter how hard you look._

_

* * *

_"No... more... trains..." I said as I stumbled out of the train. Edward ran off trying to catch the library before it realized the Elrics are in town. I, however, grabbed Edward by the tail of his coat. "Not so fast, Ed. We gotta meet a few people first."

Second-Lieutenant Ross and um... what was his name again? You know... the dude that looks like he could be an older version of Ed? That always hangs out with Ross? Anyways... they were waiting for us in salute. I had forgotten I had authority now, so I grinned when Ross looked down at me nervously. This was gonna be fun.

"Major Armstrong, we're here to see you." Ross said to the giant sparkling Major.

"Good work, Second-Lieutenant Ross, Sergeant Brosh." Major Oohs moment. I forget that guy's name. A lot. Maybe it's because he's so much of a minor character...? Nah. I always remember the minor characters with a name.

Then Brosh turned Al and Ed and said "Oh, you're the Fullmetal and Joker Alchemists?"

"He certainly is funny enough to be the Joker Alchemist."

Somehow... Al was confused for the Fullmetal Alchemist, and Ed was confused for me. I had an anime angry mark on my head as they introduced themselves. Al and Armstrong pointed at me and Ed. The next words that came out made me want to... um... alchemize Brosh into the floor and laugh maniacally as I kick him like a soccer ball.

"That small guy and the ugly-looking girl?"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SMALLER THAN AN ANT?"

"WHO THE HELL ARE YOU CALLING UGLY?" I made a giant hammer come out of the floor.

Before we managed to complete our revenge, Armstrong grabbed us and restrained us from beating the ever-loving crap out of Brosh. Ross and Brosh looked nervously at each other as the saw the two kids shouting at them.

"You better respect mah authoriteh, bi-otch!" I shouted. "I rank the same as a major and WILL KICK YOUR ASS!"

"I-I'm sorry! I didn't mean ugly... um... er..." Brosh stuttered.

"Now, I must report to Central HQ." Major Armstrong said as he put us down.

"Is this where we part?" Edward said in a fake sad voice. "You did a good job! I'm so sad. Bye-bye!"

"Don't forget to write!" I said in an equally fake sad voice.

Then the Major turned around and glomped us. All of the air was knocked out of our lungs. Did you know muscle weighs more than fat? If that were true... then no wonder this hurts so much!

He released us and said to his subordinates "Take care of the rest."

"Yes, sir!" both of them said.

Edward had a gloomy look on his face that asked me _Huh? _"We still get bodyguards, Ed."

We got into a car, Ross and Brosh asking about Alphonse's armor. I stared boredly out the window. "How much longer?"

Ross started talking about the National Library. And before I knew it we had to get out.

"Many research, files, past records, and name registries are stored there. However..." We all looked out to the black mountain of ash and char. "Just a few days ago, all the books inside were burned in a mysterious fire."

I, being a former bookworm before I discovered the wonders of anime, dropped down to my knees. "DAMN YOU, LUST! WHY BURN THE WHOLE DANG LIBRARY?" Somewhere far away... at a random time... Lust sneezed.

Everyone had their eyebrows raised as they wondered what the hell was going on.

**...**

I wandered around the Central Library as Ed and Al asked around for Marcoh's work. I stared at the titles of the thick books.

"I had no idea they had Sherlock Holmes here!" I stared at the shelf behind me. "Alright, who was stupid enough to put Frankenstein in a world where they're not allowed to make other people?"

"That's what I said!" said a voice behind me.

I turned around to see the random guy from the Scar-fight staring boredly at the Frankenstein book. I could still see the 'Made in China' tab on his Elric cosplay coat.

"Enough with the stalking! It's getting annoying!"

An anime angry mark appeared on his head. "For the last time, I am not a stalker! I just know cooler things happen when the Elrics are around."

"How do you know?"

He gestured towards the 'Made in China' tab. "I'm not of this world."

Normally if someone says that, it means they're either an alien or crazy. But as a homunculus who wasn't from that world either, I had _no _room to talk.

"What's your name?"

"Uh..." He crossed his arms as he thought. "Uh... I forgot."

Facepalm. "You forgot your own name. Wow. And I thought _I _was a spaz." I wasn't trying to be mean, I was just shocked.

"What do you expect when Truth takes your memory?"

"If Truth took your memory then how do you remember that Truth took your memory?"

"Um... I only remember FMA stuff."

"Oh... You need a name, 'cause I can't keep calling you 'the random guy from the Scar-fight'. Hm... From this day, you are now dubbed Bill. Hi, Bill."

He started anime crying. "But I already gave myself a name. It was Xavier, 'cause it sounds cooler."

"Fine, _Xavier._" Then a thought occurred to me. "Did you finish reading the series?"

"No."

I copied Envy's sadistic-as-hell grin. "You must now address me as 'Mischief-sama'."

Xavier got the idea and glared at me. "Yes, Mischief-sama."

I waved a hand. "Now, run along. Someone has to keep an eye on Mustang." He ran off.

Back at the front desk, Ed and Al finished their business with the librarian. "Where's Mischief?"

That's when somewhere in fiction section, Mischief shouted out "HOLY S_, I FOUND THE HARRY POTTER BOOKS!"

**...**

They knocked on the door of Sheska's house. "Maybe nobody's home."

Then the door creaked open to reveal mountains upon mountains of literature that satisfy an infinite amount of scholars. (Big words. =3) "What the hell is with all these books?" Edward yelled.

"How could anyone live in here?" Brosh shouted.

"Bookworm heaven!" I cheered. Everyone sweatdropped. "What?"

"Help... me..." said a voice so low, weak, and muffled someone could've missed it.

"Someone's buried in here!" Al said as he started digging.

"I can see why, most of these are dictionaries!"

"And who said books never hurt anyone?"

We rescued Sheska, a girl with glasses and short brown hair. She sighed and thanked us for saving her.

"I love books, and I was very happy to be employed by the branch library. But because I loved books so much..."

"Let me guess," I said with sarcasm. "You did your job as a librarion too well and read on the job?"

"Yeah... Is it that obvious?"

I gestured at the books. "You have it _written _all over your face."

Brosh facepalmed. "Really? You use a lame pun like that? It's no wonder you got a crappy name like the Joker Alchemist..."

"AT LEAST PEOPLE REMEMBER MY NAME, UH... WHATEVER-THE-HELL-YOUR-NAME-IS!" I honestly forgot his name while I was yelling at him. I fail.

Then Sheska had her emo moment by saying "I have to work because I want to put my sick mother in a better hospital, but I'm too clumsy at doing anything other than reading books and I can't get work anywhere. Yes, I'm a useless human being... the garbage of society..."

"DON'T YOU DARE GO EMO!" I snapped at her.

"Look," Ed said. "Do you know anything about the research files by Tim Marcoh?"

"Yes. The were placed out of their genre so I read them. They were the rare handwritten books in the library of printed ones."

"...So they were in the branch..." Edward said. "Which means they were completely burned..." The Elrics went into an emo corner.

"They really wanted to read those." I explained to the confused bookworm.

"I remember all that was written." she said to the boys.

"HUH? O_O"

I have photographic memory, so I remember everything I read. Should I make a copy for you?"

"YES! THANK YOU, BOOK-WORM!"

I hit Edward on the head. "Edward! You should know better then to call someone that to their face!"

**It took so long, because I was busy, but here it is.**

**Review.  
**


	8. Research

_Due to a birthday request, I'm actually writing the next chappie. 'Cuz my usual motivation (glares at where-ever Xavier should be) isn't nagging at me anymore. So happy birthday, Sparrow Hakamara (Sorry if me is late). ^^_

_Envy: Bri does does no own Full Metal Alchemist. If she did, I would rule the world, Lust wouldn't exist, and what happened in Chapter 3 would've happened 10 times more sadistic._

* * *

Sheska presented us with a pile a papers that reached to my knee. I can barely write a 500 word essay in 5 days and she wrote at least 2000 pages! What the heck? Everyone shared my opinion, judging by the looks on their faces.

"No wonder he couldn't run away with this." I stated. "It's half of the library."

"Is this really Marcoh's?" Ed asked.

"Yes! Without a doubt." she answered.

I picked up a random paper from the pile. "Dude, it's a cookbook." It really _was _a cookbook. "'One cup of sugar, two cups of flour, a hint of lime, cup of vegetable butter, two cups of milk, and sprinkles. Bake it in the oven at 6000 degrees for 3 seconds and voila, you have cookies." (I think.)

Edward stared blankly at me. "You're joking, right, Mischief?"

"I have never been more dead serious." I stated bluntly. "Can't you see the funny serious look on my face?"

Ed grabbed a paper and... Older-Ed-Looking-Guy repeatedly asked if this was really Marcoh's work. When Ed asked, Sheska answered yes. Then he grinned. "You're incredible. Thanks. Let's take this back to the Central Library, there are plenty of dictionaries."

Then Edward reached into hhis coat and pulled out his checkbook. I did the same.

"Here, for helping us." He wrote down a random big number and gave it to the book-worm.

"Here's your tip." I wrote another big number and gave it to Sheska. "Take the money from our bank accounts."

"From their research funds..." I heard Ross say as I walked out the door.

Me and Ed grinned as we have both of their yells of surprise.

"OH MY GOD! THAT'S A LOT OF ZEROS!"

"HOW COULD A COUPLE OF KIDS HAVE THAT MUCH MONEY?"

I yelled back at them, "EASY! WE GET A BIG ALLOWANCE!"

After I ditched Ed and Al at the library... what? Don't give me that look! Like hell am I studying recipes for a week! Besides, I needed to see Envy before Ed. I mean, if I were there when Ed sees Envy and Lust, I would ruin the epicness of the moment. And... I wanna meet Barry the Chopper! I forgot why but I wanna.

I wandered around the giant city for hours, but I got lost. Several times. My map of Central sucked.

So I sucked up my stupid pride and asked a random girl with shoulder-length black hair and dark-blue eyes for directions.

"You know which way to the 5th Lab? Abandoned building, next to the prison, probably a good idea to stay away from there next week?"

"Isn't that it right there?" she said as she pointed to the building behind me. It even had a big sign that said '5th Lab is right here, Mischief.'

"Oh..." And I wandered into the building. And poked my head through the door. "What'cha doing?" There a flash of blue light and suddenly the 50 random old dudes disappeared. "Whoops..."

Envy, on the other side of the room, sighed. "Great, you startled them and they accidently put themselves in the stone."

I walked up to the stone and picked it up. "Sorry random dudes..."

Then a random idea came to me. Didn't the humonculus eat these or something in the first anime? I licked it. Oh my god... it tatses like raspberries.

"What are you doing?" Envy asked.

"Nooothing."

"What are the Elrics doing?"

"Relax, they won't be here for another week."

"Then everything's going to plan."

"And soon, the world will be ours! Mwahahahahaha!" I said in my best super-villain voice.

"...Are you on something?"

"Just sugar, my friend, just sugar..."

**6 days later...**

Suddenly a great long "NOOOOO!" echoed throughout Central. The Elrics discovered what the ingredients to Philosopher's Stone is.

I was patting Edward on the head going 'There, there...'

"All that work... and this is the results?"

"It could be worse."

"How?"

There was shouting outside that answered the question. And the door burst open to reveal that Major Armstrong broke the doorknob.

"O_O..."

"Run, Ed, run!" I said as I ran towards the window.

The Major started manly-crying with sparkles everywhere. (Sparkles that pwned Edward Cullen's.) "What a tragedy!"

Armstrong started ranting about how it was wrong and whatever else came to mind. Me and Ed were glaring at our 'bodyguards', who both started apologizing.

**There you goes, peoples.**

**Review.**


	9. Operation: Fail Sneak

_Me: I'm sorry. (*Shot*) I'm sorry! (*Brick'd*) I SAID I'M SORRY! (*Alchemized into the floor*)_

_Edward: 4 freakin' months! Do you know how ticked off they (Points out to the audience) are?_

_Me: I know, I'm sorry! Don't kill me, Eddie! T_T_

_Envy: For once I'm agreeing with the Fullmetal Shrimp. And I **hate **him!_

_Me: I know, Envy! Mischief-sama said sorry like a million times already!_

_Envy: Bri does not own Fullmetal Alchemist. She only owns Mischief._

_Edward: Since her OC is in here... (Death-glare at me)  
_

_Envy: That's right... (Death-glare at me)_

_Me: Come on, I'll keep writing! I'll even lighten up on the censoring! Just don't kick my ass, pleeease! T_T_

_

* * *

_"Oy, Eddie, are you sure it's a good idea to escape from a hotel suite _like this?_ I mean, we're freakin' _alchemists_. Couldn't we make a ladder, or a fireman's pole, or-"

"If we use alchemy, we'll be noticed, Mischief."

"Yeah, because a suit of armor, a kid in a bright red coat, and the spaz that beat up a serial killer climbing down a blanket just _screams _subtle."

"Quiet, Mischief. just be careful-"

"GAAAAH!"

Face, meet _concrete _floor. He's related to the floor back in Mustang's office. I bet you miss the other floor. Of course you do. The other floor was carpet.

So... Ed found out what Philosopher's Stone is made of, Armstrong busted the door down, we figured out what Lab 5 did. And... I dunno, I guess Armstrong grounded us 'cuz we aren't allowed to run into Lab 5 and kick ass.

Of course we escaped. Now we're running around in the streets at the dead of night with no flashlight. Kids, don't try this at home. Wait, my name's _Mischief _so... forget what I just said.

When we got to Lab 5, we noticed a guard there. Wait, I don't remember him being there last week.

"Suspicious..."

"How do we get in?"

"Do we make an entrance?"

"I'm on it!" I punched the wall before either of them could object.

But apparently I don't get super strength like the other homunculi, so I basically only hurt my hand. Owww...

"That leaves..." Ed looked up at the wall.

Me, forgetting this very important detail in the manga, whispered to Al "Throw me up!"

"But Mischief-"

"Throw me!"

Al threw up onto the wall. That was barb-wired. And I landed on my un-gloved left hand. We're trying to be sneaky here, and I must scream.

Well, these are my thoughts so I might as well.

Double: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW! DX

Edward soon landed besides me with a look on his face that said 'You should've listened to Al.' He lowered a barb-wire for Al to climb up the wall. Without hissing in pain like I did. Stupid metal limbs.

So after we climbed over the wall, and saw the trap door was blocked, Ed decided to climb in through the air vent.

"Ed's gonna have to go in there alone."

"Why?" Al asked.

"The air vent is for midgets only." This earned me a kick to the head. "Ow! Ed, that was your _metal _leg!" But Edward already slipped into the air vent. Air vent...

"Al..."

"What?"

"Hold me up to the air vent."

"But you won't fit."

I held up a recording device with a devilish grin. "Trust me, Al. All I need is for my arm to fit."

The suit of armor held me up to the wide-open air vent so I could record this little rant...

"Man, it's so hard to move in here. A normal-sized person wouldn't fit at all. Good thing I'm small..." BLAM! "Nooooo! DX" Edward must've bashed his head again the wall as punishment for calling himself small. And I recorded it. Blackmail~!

"Al! He finally admitted to being small!"

"_My _brother?"

"You know anyone that small? Al, you know the best part?"

"What?"

I pulled my arm out of the air vent. "I recorded it!"

I made a devious grin, and Al did as devious a grin a suit of armor could make. Again, BLACKMAIL IS SWEET~! And after deviously giggling to ourselves, I finally look up at the moon.

There was a large black figure that stood out against the shine of the moon and there was something shiny in the figure's hand. Like a murderer in a movie, or a bear hunting with a big shiny thingy...

Epic... Truly epic...

Wait...CRAP... IS THAT A FREAKIN' CLEAVER? O_O

Before I could slip a 'DAMMIT, RUUUN!', the figure jumped from the roof and slammed his BFK (Big F_ing Knife) into the ground were Alphonse was two seconds ago.

"Who are you?" Al asked.

"And where can I get one of those knives? IT'S SO SHINY~!"

"Mischief!"

"Oh! Sorry, Al~. Hi, 66!" I waved to the killer random dude that just tried to make one of my favorite characters into sushi.

"Wait, how do you know his name already?"

"The muffins at the hotel told me!"

"How did the heck do the muffins know?"

"Fool! The muffins know everything!"

Then me and Al started arguing about the magic muffins that reminded me of the dude's number. Leaving the dude with cleaver giving us a plain 'WTF' look.

**Sooo sorry 'bout the delay peoples... Writer's block sucks...**

**Everyone: Months... _Months...!_**

**Me: Anyways, review! ^^ Please...?_  
_**


	10. Metal vs Iron and Spazziness

_Me: See! I told you I'd update sooner this time!_

_Barry the Chopper: She doesn't own Fullmetal Alchemist. If she did, I would get a bigger cleaver... (Maybe like that one I saw on Bleach)_

_

* * *

_"FALCON PWNCH!" I cheered as Al punched out the Cleaver-dude.

He got bored of me and Al arguing, so he attacked. Which led to Al punching him out shouting how rude it is to interrupt someone's argument.

66 was on the ground, glaring at Al. "Aw, son of a bi-"

"HEY!" I shouted. "Watch your damn language!"

"Shut up!" He got up again and started slashing at me.

Funny thing 'bout my homunculus power... Apparently bullets bounce off, but knifes still hurt like hell. What the hell, Truth-kun? What the hell?

It was a frenzy of slashing, punching and WTFing. It was fairly even, until Al caught 66's cleaver in his elbow and broke it. Then Al punched him out again.

"Wow, Al. You're doing great!" I said as I gave him a thumbs up.

"I'm doing _everything!_"

CLANK. I turned around to see 66's head hit the floor. He seemed pissed off.

"Bastard... You knocked my head off..." he grumbled.

"C'mon, 66. Calling Al a bastard is no way to get a_head_."

Wow, for two suits of armor, they _really _know how to glare at people.

"Mischief, please. No head puns."

"I'm just pointing out how empty-_headed _he is."

"Mischief!"

"What?"

"Stop."

"'Kay."

"Anyways, what happened to your..."

"Body?" 66 asked. "Let me tell you a story..."

"Yay! Story time!" I sat on the ground and looked up at 66 with bright eyes.

66 pulled out a story book and sat down as well. Al facepalmed and thought 'Where the hell did the logic in this world go?'

"Once upon a time, there was a butcher in Central Center named Barry. Barry loved slicing up meat. One day he got bored with pigs and cows and went after people. Eventually he got caught, but not before chopping up 23 victims. He struck fear into the hearts of people across the city. So he was sent to the gallows. The end. Well that's the public version anyways." Then tossed the story book aside. "What really happened was, he was given a job offer. He would be allowed to live as long as he guarded a certain place-"

"You stink at your job then."

"Shh!"

"He lost his flesh and had his soul bound to armor. And you're looking at him!" He held up his butcher knife. "I'M BARRY THE CHOPPER!"

Al tilted his head to the side. "Who?"

I pointed at Al and activated 'mah southern accent'. "He be from da East. He don't know 'bout no city folk killa."

"I do _not _talk like that!"

"But _I _know 'bout you, Barry!" I ran up with a wide smile. "Can I have an autograph?"

Barry picked up the broken piece of cleaver. "Where do you want it, arm or leg?"

"Uh, never mind..."

"How come neither of you is freaking out? It's supposed to be 'AAAH!' and 'EEEEK!' and 'What's up with that body?'"

Al and I looked at each other for a second before Al removed his own head.

"GAAAH!" screamed the dude that lost his own head a few minutes ago.

"Barry, have some dignity. No need to go losing your head." Smack. "Ow! Al that hurt! Especially since you're metal!"

"Another inmate?" Barry asked.

I giggled. "As if! This guy couldn't kill a fly!"

"In my defense, it wouldn't hold still!"

"You smacked me in the face with the fly-swatter!"

"It was on your nose!"

"So why is he like that, then?"

Before I could stop him, Al said "My brother transmuted my soul into this armor when my body vanished."

Barry got a thoughtful look on his face. Geez, can _all _the suits of armor here pull off facial expressions? Where the hell did the logic go?

"A bro, huh? Heh. Anyways, do you trust your bro?"

"Of course I do." Al responded. "He put his life on the line to transmute my soul."

"Aah, brotherly love is a beautiful thing. **Even if it's fake.**"

POW. Barry's head was flying until it smacked against the wall. The rest of him fell to the ground from the force of how hard I punched him.

"M-Mischief?" Al stammered.

Barry scrambled back. "Holy crap! Just why the hell did you do that for? I was just saying his 'brother' could've artificially created his personality and memories."

KICK. Barry's own head knocked his body over as I kicked it.

"Don't you disrespect the bond of siblings!"

Suddenly Barry got up and knocked me over. He raised his knife over his head. "What are you defending a fake human for, girlie?"

Then Guardsman A FINALLY shows up. "Hey! What are you doing he-*sliced*" Then got pwned.

"Now where were we? Oh yeah. Gehehehehe!"

BLAM BLAM. There were two bullet holes in his knife-hand. Two bullets that somehow bounced off the wall, bounced off me, and scared off a random cat. Sorry cat.

"Hey-"

"I swear, if you say 'Hey Barry, do you need a hand?' you're ending up like that guy." Barry pointed at the dead guard.

"You're no fun!" I said with a pout. I looked at the two that fired the shots. "Hey, it's 'bout time you got here! Al's having a Heroic Blue Screen of Death over here!"

"A what?"

"Just shoot the damn knife nut!"

Barry sighed. "The hell? Where's the damn security?" Glance at pwned guard. "Oh."

BOOM! The building suddenly collapsed. Ed must've had _some _party in there. Wait a sec...

"Ed's still in there!" I screamed as I ran inside. Then Envy came out with Ed while I was still in there.

I have. _The _worst. timing. **_Ever._**

Then a rock landed on my head. And everything went dark.

**There's the new chappie, peoples~! :D**

**Review~!  
**


	11. In da hospital

_Me: Ok, after someone sent me a solid wall of text saying 'WRITE MORE!' here's the new chappie. Oh, and before y'all think 'She'll write if we do that, send more! :D' please don't. (Sweatdrop) It took **forever **__to find the bottom of that wall. XD_

___And... on the matter of Mischief having bad memory for an FMA fan, remember how many times her head got hit. That, plus usual spazzy-ness of my OC characters, it a miracle she could walk in a straight line._

___Ross: Bri does not own FMA, only Mischief._

* * *

The first thing I notice when I open my eyes.

My head hurts like heeellll... DX

Second, is that Edward is in a bed next to me. Covered in bandages. Oops.

"Mischief..." Edward was glaring at me.

"I was too late to run in and save you, wasn't I?"

Deadpanned. "You think?"

Then the door opened. Ross and Brosh walked/marched into the room.

"'Sup, random peoples!" I said from my bed. "We got pwned didn't we?"

Brosh's face said something along the lines of 'No duh, Sherlock.' Ross just responded by telling us that we were in a small hospital.

Edward grunted in pain as he tried to sit up. "Aw crap, it hurts. I was so close... There isn't time for me to be hospitalized!"

Brosh and Ross looked at each other before stiffening into a 'Soldier Stand'. "Fullmetal Alchemist, sir! Joker Alchemist, ma'am! Please forgive us for what we're about to do next!"

SMACK. SMACK. I touched the red spot on my cheek before staring blankly at Brosh.

... Did we just get bitch-slapped by Armstrong's bitches?

"He told you not to act on your own, but you did anyways! The Major told you to stay in the room because it was _dangerous_! On top of ignoring the Major's kindness, _you. almost. DIED!_ Recognize the fact that you're children! And... try not to do everything yourselves... THAT IS ALL! Please forgive us for our violent actions and words not fitting for officers of lower rank!"

Edward and I gave them blank stares. "No... it was my fault..." Edward mumbled.

"And the punishment for the slap?" Ross asked, though the look on her face said 'I'm _so _screwed for smacking a kid.'

"No, no, I won't do anything!" Edward said.

Both of the grown soldiers nearly collapsed to the floor from relief.

"But _I _will." I deadpanned as I pulled out my giant hammer of doom. "Come here, Brosh..."

Said soldier's eyes widened. "Where did you even _keep _that?"

"I'll never tell." Then tried to lift up the big-ass hammer. Emphasis on _tried. _It slipped out of my hands and fell through the floor. I looked down the hole I made and at the patients downstairs giving me a 'WTF was that? O_O' look. "Sorry! My bad!"

Later...

"NO WAY!"

Winry had wide eyes as she stared at me and Ed in body-casts. Why were we suddenly in body-casts? I'm give you two hints.

Major. Death-Hug.

I believe that's enough of a hint.

He glomped us the second he heard we were in the hospital. I was at least able to _walk _until he showed up. Damn muscles...

... Sorry, I'm snarky when I'm pissed off.

... Snarky _is _a word. Google it.

"I was wondering if you got hurt because the automail broke down... Because I didn't maintain it properly..."

Edward looked around with a slightly panicky look. "N-No, it's not your fault, Winry..."

"It's the missing bolt's fault." I said bluntly.

"Missing bolt...?" Winry looked freaked out that I knew.

"Yeah." I reached into her bag and pulled it out. "This one."

"..." KLANK!

AAH! THE WRENCH OF DOOM IS BACK!

Then Winry put away her wrench of doom and looked at Ed's tray of food. Which had nothing but crumbs and a bottle of milk on it.

"You left the milk." She glanced at me. "You did too."

Me and Ed looked at each other. Then at Winry. "We hate milk."

"IT'S BECAUSE YOU SAY STUFF LIKE, YOU'RE ALWAYS GONNA BE A MIDGET!"

"SHUT UP! THERE'S NO WAY I CAN DRINK WHITE STUFF SECRETED FROM A COW!" (... *thinks too hard* O_O ... I can _never _drink milk again... damn dirty mind...)

"I AGREE WITH ED! I PREFER CHOCOLATE MILK, DAMMIT!"

"YOU'RE BEING SELFISH!"

All hell broke lose as Alphonse managed to slip out of the room.

**Well... there's the chappie for you. ^_^**

**Al: You should update sooner.**

**Ed: And write longer chapters.**

**Al: And stop writing Mary Sue fanfics.**

**Ed: And-**

**Me: Ok, I think we get it. -.-**

**Elric Bros: Review.  
**


	12. Hughes and Winry

_Yeah... sorry 'bout not updating... I had trouble with the document and-_

_Roy and Edward: (Smacks Bri) Stop lying._

_I don't own FMA. If I did- (*smacked*)_

_Roy and Edward: The manga never would have been finished. -_-_

* * *

"Hey Ed!" Hughes slammed the door open and strolled into the room. "Getting it on with the girls in your room?"

Ed got knocked out of bed by the force of the stupidity in that statement. Ross held back a laugh. And everyone else gave Hughes a look that said 'What the hell is wrong with you?'

"They're only my automail mechanic and my blackmailer!" protested the midget on the ground.

"Babysitter." I corrected.

"Ah. Two at once. Not bad, kid." Hughes said with approval.

"What the- I said- Then he said- What is this? I don't even...!"

"Winry, this is Lieutenant Colonel Hughes. Hughes, this is the only girl Ed is willing to talk to, Winry."

And Edward got the Maes Hughes stamp of approval.

"Is it alright for you to sneak away from work?" Edward asked.

"I'm off duty from this afternoon on." Hughes said with a grin.

"You left Sheska with all the work, didn't you?" I deadpanned.

"Yup!"

"You book-worm-abuser."

"Anything _else _you came here for?"

"To tell you you'll be released from our watch soon."

"Finally!" Edward cheered.

"Thank god! No more stupid guards!" I sighed.

"Well that was mean." Brosh said.

"Do you know what would have happened if we weren't with you?" Ross scolded.

"We _wouldn't _have gotten bitch-slapped?" I answered.

"..."

"Yeah. I'm not letting that go. Ever. Especially you, Brosh."

"Aw man..."

Later...

I unwrapped the last bandage on my head as Winry started wondering-out-loud where she should stay. One of the perks of being a homunculus... SHONEN SPEED HEALING! XD

Downside... I need a place to crash too.

"In that case, you can stay over at my house." Hughes said.

Wait... what?

"Um... you really don't have to-"

"Don't worry! My family would be delighted!"

Hughes suddenly grabbed Winry's and my wrist. And we were being dragged to the door.

I'm being kidnapped by an anime character. Awesome.

More Later...

I was at Hughes' daughter's birthday party. As the entertainment.

No idea how it happened other than: 'You'll help with the party, right?' 'Uh...' Holds up 3-year-old with puppy eyes. 'Fine -_-'

Now I'm alchemizing random stuff for 3-year-olds. Mostly animals. And I was getting tired.

"Make a dog!" ZAP.

"Make a monkey!" ZAP.

"Make Central!"

I gave the kid a look that said 'HUH? D:' "Uh... I can't make that."

"You a bad cwown." he deadpanned.

"I'm not a clown."

"No wonder dese bawoon animals are so hard." As he tried to hold up a concrete dog.

"..."

The kids got bored and decided to play with Elicia. Which resulted in a bunch of 3-year-olds being threatened at gun-point.

"HUGHES! WAIT! DON'T SHOOT THE ONLY BOYS SHORTER THAN ED!"

**Again, 'sorry it took so long', 'hope you enjoy it'**

**Review.**


	13. Brother's Quarrel and Fuhrer WraBradley

_I've been rereading the manga and found motivation to do this again. ._. I understand that a lot of you are mad. Here's your new chapter. I don't own FMA._

* * *

"I NEVER ASKED FOR THIS _DAMN _BODY!"_  
_

That's what Winry and I walked in on. Al was standing up and glaring at Ed.

You could cut the tension in the air with a butter knife.

"I never asked... for this damn body..." Al repeated.

"I'm sorry, Al." Edward said quietly. "...You're right. It's _my _fault that all of this happened. That's why I want to get you back to normal as soon as possible."

"Is there really any guarantee that we can get our original bodies back?"

"AL!" I shouted. "YOU'RE NOT A FAKE SOUL!"

"PROVE IT!" AL shouted back. "WHAT IF EVERYONE IS LYING TO ME? SO 'BIG BROTHER', WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY TO THAT?"

SLAM. Edward got up. "You were... keeping all of that bottled up this whole time? Is that what you wanted to tell me?" Edward finally smiled sadly. "...I see." Then he left.

SMACK! KLANK!

Al fell down to the floor. Looking up at me and Winry.

"W-Winry! Mischief!"

"IDIOT!" I slapped him again. My hand hurt like hell, but it didn't matter. Winry kept bashing him with her wrench.

"YOU DON'T HAVE ANY IDEA HOW HE FEELS, DO YOU?"

"HE THINKS YOU BLAME HIM FOR EVERYTHING THAT'S HAPPENED! THE BOND OF TWO BROTHERS ISN'T SOMETHING YOU JUST _FAKE!_"

Winry pointed to the door. "Go after him."

"Um...okay..." Al ran out.

I walked out to the hallway with the confused soldiers.

"Shouldn't you help, Miss Mischief?"

"Can't. 'Tis still a brother's quarrel."

...

Standing in the doorway was Bradley.

"'Sup, Wra-" I stopped before I could finish the word.

If looks could kill, Bradley's death-glare could've killed me _at least _20 times over.

"Wra... Wra... Radical! My totally radical Fuhrer King Bradley, sir!"

The Fuhrer sweatdropped. "Hello, Mischief."

"What brings you here, Mr. President?" Hughes asked.

"To visit them, of course!" Bradley laughed. "Now, I've heard you've been snooping around the military."

"How did-?"

"Dude, he's the Fuhrer. Of course he knows."

"Anyways," Bradley's face got all serious. "I will not allow you to speak of this to anyone or stick your neck in this matter any further! Trust no one! Assume the entire military is your enemy!" Then he went back to cheery-mode. "When I call you, make sure you're prepared."

"Yes, sir!"

Then Bradley heard his bodyguards and started to make his subtle get-away through the window.

"Bye Wra- Righteous Leader, sir!"

Note to self: Stop talking to Wrath.

**Here's your chappie. Sorry.**

**Review.**


	14. The City of Automail Otaku

_Okay. Here's the next chapter. This is out of a birthday request from Vivi the Vixen. I'm sorry that I honestly forgot where I was in the plot-line. And I've that been_ _avoiding Self-Insert fic__s. ^^" Honestly, this isn't my best work and I'm getting sick of it. All I see is a Mary Sue fic. And I won't/can't delete this because too many people actually like this.  
_

_Winry: Bri does not own FMA. If she did, the fans would've left by now. btw, since someone pointed out the chapters kept getting shorter, I made this extra long.  
_

* * *

"OH WOOOW~!" Winry squeed. "It's beautiful~!"

Now normally when you hear this, it's because of jewelry or some clothes or some other girly object.

But this is Winry we're talking about.

So she was fangirling over an automail arm that was slightly shinier than Ed's.

We were in Rush Valley. The mountains were bare. The streets were bustling. Everything was shiny and smelled like oil. Half the population had automail limbs while the under half had wrenches somewhere on their person.

...I feel left out. ._.

"Incredible! 51 straight wins!"

"No way you can beat this guy!"

There was a huge dude with two automail arms smirking like he was a BAMF.

I betcha 10 bucks that guy only got automail to look cool.

Before Winry or I could even blink, some random dude was up there. About .5 seconds later, his automail was in pieces and there were 10 mechanics trying to kidnap him.

Then everyone was begging Al to go up. Then the gambler suggested that Edward give it a try.

"Oh, I'm sorry!" the gambler said as he put a hand to his head. "A shorty like you couldn't possibly win!"

Edward marched up and slammed his hands on the table.

...Those guys are screwed.

"YOU BETTER WIN THIS NO MATTER WHAT!" Winry yelled.

"Techs get ready!"

"200 on the kid!" I announced.

"You're on!"

"Ready...Steady...Go!"

CRUNCH. The big guy's automail was falling into pieces in Ed's hand.

Many jaws met the floor that day.

And the big guy got pounced by the techies as they dragged him away.

I got behind Ed and said "Look what you did, cheater~. An innocent wallet, lost to those Winrys~."

"Like you have room to talk," he replied as I pocketed a ton of money.

Everyone started staring at Ed's automail. Demanding that he take off his clothes to get a better look. Time for me to step in.

"Guys! Guys! You can't just strip him!"

"Thank you!" Edward said as he tried to retrieve his coat.

"You have to _pay _to strip him!"

"WHAT?"

An hour later...

The Fullmetal Alchemist shirtless. If only I had a camera.

"Guys..."

"Yes, Ed?"

"It's gone." He dug through his pockets. "My state alchemist ID... The silver watch... It's gone."

Edward threw his shirt back on and ran to the nearest person he could find.

"My watch!" he shouted. "Do you know who could've stolen my watch?"

The two mechanics looked at each other, then at Edward. "I think you're being played, buddy."

"Must be the handy work of Paninya. She's a thief that targets tourists."

"Whaaaaat?"

"You heard them."

"Do you know where I can find them? Please, that item is _very _important!"

"Hmm... No harm in telling you...but let us look at your automail!"

Great. More machine-otaku.

Before Ed could even pull the 'Turn arm into blade' card, I pulled out my bet money and held it out.

"Collector's shop called Glatz!"

I tossed the money at them. "Come on, guys."

One hour later...

SLAM. "DON'T MOVE!"

"Ed~! Be nice to the door! Anyways, Paninya, give him the watch."

"Uh... No." Then Paninya picked up a vase, _with her leg_, and threw- no, _kicked _it at us. Does Fullmetal Alchemist have soccer? Anyways, GET HER!

She jumped out the window, I jumped out the window, everyone but old man #17 jumped out the window.

We were running throughout the town. Through the alleys, onto rooftops, through a house, past a kitty-

Holy s_. A kitty. Hold everything.

Wait right here while I go pet teh kitty.

I walked up to the girl with shoulder-length brown hair who had a (freakin' adorable) Calico cat on her head. She gave me a subtle 'WTF?' look from behind her glasses.

"Can I pet your kitty?"

"Uh...sure...?"

Pet pet pet pet. "Soooo cuuuuute~!"

"Mischief!"

It's Al. Crap.

"We're supposed to be chasing that girl!"

"But Alphonse! The kitty! D:"

Al looked at the kitty. Then me. Then the kitty.

He picked me up by the collar of my shirt, pet the kitty, then ran back into the chase.

We caught up with Ed and Paninya at a dead end. Of course, she jumps over, Ed jumps over, and everyone but Al jumps over.

I landed and looked around. Then was nothing but grass, a little house, and a pissed off dog... Wait. I suddenly missed Alexander.

BLAM.

Ed and I were on the ground being used as chew toys. Why the hell the dog didn't bite the automail limbs and break his teeth, we'll never know. Maybe it's smart... Nah.

"Be a good boy and let them go..." Al said.

"Grrrr..."

_**"NOW."**_

And the dog ran away. Haha, bitch. Pun fully intended.

"Big brother? Are you okay?"

Edward was trembling as he got up. Then he exploded "I'M GONNA KILL THIS BITCH!"

"But she's just a girl..."

"EQUALITY OF THE SEXES!"

I crossed my arms. "Whoa. 'The hell happened to chivalry?"

"CHIVALRY IS DEAD!"

Back to square one of finding our little thief.

Yet another hour later...

Ed saw her on the rooftop in front of ours. "Don't open that damn watch!"

"Got some dark secret, huh?"

"None of your damn business. Now give it back."

She stuck her tongue out at him. "Nyeh."

Edward alchemized some giant hands out of the roof that nearly got her.

"Just who are you?"

"State alchemist."

"First time toying with a state alchemist!"

I alchemized some stairs to chase her and managed to tackle her down.

"Stay! Down!"

Then she kicked me. With her automail feet. Owwwwww.

Ok, she's going _down_.

More property damage later...

We were on another rooftop. Ed and I were dead-tired and Paninya wasn't breaking a sweat.

"Hey! You out of steam?"

"Watch this!"

ZAP.

...

Nothing.

Paninya stared at the ground. "Um...nothing happened."

"Trust me, something _did _happened."

Right on cue, the ground deconstructed and she fell into a shop. Edward constructed a cage and threw it down.

"I'm the shop-owner!"

Facepalm. "Your aim _sucks_."

ZAP.

"Sounds like Al caught her."

We came out and saw her in a cage. But she was still smiling.

"You might want to step back."

SLICE. SLICE. She cut the bars. With a blade. In her automail leg. Are you kidding me?

She just shrugged. "Nothing surprising in this city." She held up her other leg. "Aaand my left knee shoots missiles." ZOOM...BOOM!

I repeat: Are you kidding me?

"Catch me if you can~!" Paninya ran about 10 feet before Winry grabbed her wrist.

"Oh no, I'm not letting you go... until you let me take a closer look at this automail~!"

Facepalm.

Honestly, these automail-otaku...

**There's your chapter~.**


End file.
